|
Highlights
First-ever all-women’s IPA Workshop
in Chicago was a big success!
Please join the IPA if you have not; please
contribute $$$ to the IPA now!
Interested in establishing a “for
women’s section” on the Main Discussion Board - Feedback
requested?
Seeking volunteers to join the
IPA’s Education Committee
Article published by Lisa Spinelli (IPA Women’s
Forum member) on “Coming Out of the Water Closet”
How do/did you go about telling
your very close female friends or relatives you have/had paruresis?
How difficult was this disclosure for you?
A. New “News” Section
1. First-ever all-women’s IPA
Workshop in Chicago was a big success!
Six women – strangers to one another and ranging in age from
18-65 and from all parts of the USA -- gathered together in a Chicago
hotel on a Friday evening to inaugurate the first all-women’s
workshop. The group was co-moderated by Ruth Lippin, an experienced
therapist from NYC who specializes in treating phobias, and me.
We began the evening by each relating our history with paruresis
– when the condition started, how we have coped, our biggest
challenges, and our goals. Such personal sharing resulted in the
creation of trust and the development of an immediate bond between
each of us.
Following an explanation of desensitization, a method which allows
for gradual exposure to our most feared or difficult situations
when peeing, each participant was asked to draw up a personal hierarchy,
ranging from the easiest to the most difficult.
The morning started with the first of many “practice”
sessions, the object of which is to re-learn how to urinate in the
presence of others. Each woman drank enough liquid to reach a moderate
state of urgency to urinate. She then partnered with another women,
who would become her “pee buddy” for that session. She
would position her partner to stand or sit in a location that would
most allow her to be successful at peeing, but for 3 seconds only,
allowing future attempts for that session. For some, that meant
having a partner sit in the hotel lobby; for others, it meant having
a partner stand outside the door of a hotel room suite. Once successful,
she would repeat this step for a second time. Then she and her partner
would switch places. After about an hour or so, the group reconvened
for sharing about what the practice experience was like.
Gradually, over the course of the week-end, each woman made great
progress in climbing the ladder by bringing her partner closer and
closer. By the workshop’s end, some were successful in being
able to use a public restroom, perhaps with her partner sitting
in an adjacent stall or even talking! One woman expressed her experience
verbally – “yahoo!!!”
Lest you think all we did was work and practice, we also managed
to have a lot of fun and built on the wonderful camaraderie that
developed during the first evening. By the end of the workshop,
we were talking about having a workshop reunion!
Here are a few comments:
“It was really an amazing experience, and I am so happy
that I was able to make progress in overcoming this condition…
I was a bit hesitant about whether attending the workshop would
actually help me, but it did! I also met so many wonderful people
in the process!”
“I made very much progress in my shy bladder continuous journey,
and I know it will have a significant impact on my daily life”
“If you deal with paruresis, go to a workshop. You will get
much more out of it then you could ever possibly expect”
“I am fully convinced that anyone who struggles with his
absolutely, if possible, needs to attend a workshop. You basically
just practice, practice, and practice some more but it’s invaluable
because you are able to ask questions, get support, and learn how
to best approach this”.
2. Please join the IPA if you have not.
Please contribute $$$ to the IPA NOW!
Steve Soifer, IPA Executive Director, and Co-Director, Shy Bladder Center, reports the IPA currently has a cash flow problem, in
part because of the attention it is putting on drug testing in the
workplace and the legal suits that are occurring. By joining, if
you haven’t already, you will help the organization meet its
goal of reaching 1000 members by the end of the year.
Steve writes:
Dear Friends:
As I mentioned in a previous post, we need to raise an additional
$10,000 to fulfill our 2004 challenge grant obligation. In the last
few months, we have raised about $3500, or 1/3 of what we need.
(That is for basic operating expenses, NOT special projects like
the Tom Smith Legal Defense Fund). We have experienced a cash flow
crunch this summer, and I am asking people to give NOW, as opposed
to waiting toward the end of the year. f you could contribute TODAY,
that would be wonderful. We prefer PayPal, so here is the link:
http://www.paruresis.org/acart/ccdonate.html.
Or, if you prefer to send in a check, here is the link to the form:
http://www.paruresis.org/join.htm.
Thanks again,
Steven Soifer, Ph.D., LGSW
Executive Director, IPA
Co-Director, SBC
P.S. Believe it or not, I probably hate posting these notes
more than you hate sending in your money:) So, let's do each other
a favor. If you do your part, I will not have to constantly bug
people about money. I much prefer doing the necessary organizational
stuff around here (OK, I know that includes fundraising, but if
we had the money, the first thing I'd do is hire a fundraiser:)
3. Interested in establishing a “for
women’s section” on the Main Discussion Board? Feedback
requested.
Since the IPA is in the process of revamping its website, we have
the opportunity to provide a resource of information for women..
For example, we could create another forum, designate it for women's
use, and let it be public. In doing so, we would also clearly state
that posting of topics is primarily for women and any particular
issues they wish to explore that they feel wouldn't be adequately
addressed on the unisex board. I might also be able to include my
“AP Women’s Forum” newsletters by deleting our
individual names. This last option is the simplest to implement.
However, I understand the IPA’s computer guru would prefer
not to place restrictions on user accounts or do anything requiring
some sort of verification because it would involve administrative
work to manage it.
If, on the other hand, we want to ensure privacy and/or confidentiality,
we would have to address the following concerns:
* Do we allow the women's forum to be openly viewed by all?
* Do we only allow women to post? If so, that would be quite different
from the unisex forum we have now.
* If we only allow women to post, then how are we certain of a person's
gender?
* What does privacy entail? Are there reasons to make a women's
forum restricted in some way?
* How is moderation done? Should moderators be women only?
* If we create a restricted women's forum, does that mean that we
do the same for men to keep things equal?
The simplest way to implement this would be to create another forum.
If we did this, it could go into operation fairly quickly. If we
do anything requiring special restrictions, then we have to look
into whether the existing software can do this, and if not, find
software that can. That may take substantial time. If we got a lot
of feedback from women that the simple approach wasn't working,
we could investigate changes to remedy that situation rather than
spending a lot of time, effort, and potentially money on something
that might turn out to be unnecessary.
Please let me know your opinion.
4 . Seeking volunteers to
join the IPA’s Education Committee
Ready to help change the world? Get involved in educating schools
about paruresis and the government to understand the effects of
urine-based drug testing on kids with paruresis.
An Education Committee has recently been established by the IPA
which will do just that. The first step will be to contact school
principals and school nurses to educate them about paruresis. A
form letter has been developed, and the chairs are looking for ways
to contact schools via 1) direct mail; 2) email; and 3) through
an avenue where they regularly get information, such as a newsletter.
Please support the cause and submit ideas to the IPA. Write to
me at Olmert@aol.com.
5. Article published by Lisa Spinelli (IPA
Women’s Forum member) on “Coming Out of the Water Closet”
. It was published by several newspapers. Go to
http://www.jrn.columbia.edu/studentwork/cns/2004-02-16/419.asp
B. Question
of the Season
How do/did you go about telling your very close female friends
or relatives you have/had paruresis? How difficult was this disclosure
for you?
My rule: Be selective about whom you tell, but be as open about
your condition as possible.
I personally have told just about everyone in my life about my
battle with paruresis with the exception of my supervisors. At its
onset, I was 13, and because I couldn’t pee, I had to ask
them to take me to a local hospital, where I was catheterized. After
that first experience, I told the truth to girlfriends or relatives
at whose homes I was unable to stay overnight and later to men with
whom I started a relationship. It wasn’t easy, I admit, but
I seemed to feel the relief that comes from unburdening oneself.
The revelation of personal information about one’s self to
another – the admission of what you perceive to be a “flaw”
or “defect” – can be challenging, if not traumatic,
for many people, especially younger ones. We often expect perfection
of ourselves and others, so we allow our fears to get in the way
of sharing our vulnerabilities with each other. Feeling ashamed
of our condition, which we did nothing to create in the first place,
we often go to extraordinary lengths to keep it a secret from others.
Furthermore, perhaps thinking negatively or irrationally, we expect
the worst case scenario to result if we open up to others. In our
tendency to catastrophize, we fail to ask ourselves some important
questions: 1) what is my worst fear – ridicule? rejection?
abandonment?, 2) can I live with that, i.e., do I really want or
need to have someone in my life who does not at least empathize
with my situation, and 3) how would I respond if someone told me
a deep, dark “secret”?
Desensitization exercises can be used and practiced with respect
to telling someone. You can take “baby steps” by starting
with the person in your life who you perceive as the most non-judgmental.
Remember, it is not necessary to tell everyone, and it gets much
easier over time.
(Remember, in order to respond to everyone, just click "reply
all").
What questions would you like to see posted on this Forum? Also,
what can be done to improve greater communication amongst us?
C. Additions/changes/updates to this distribution list.
Note: I have added the locations in which participants of the IPA
Women’s Forum live, to the best of my ability. If you don’t
see yours and want to have it added, please let me know at Olmert@aol.com.
|
