Virtual Support Group

93% of humankind does not have paruresis and has been using public bathrooms for their entire lives, from grammar school through university and then in offices/workplaces during their professional careers. These 93% have been practicing daily without knowing they were practicing.

In the following I will present my personal impressions of a workshop visit and then describe how I coped with my paruresis after the workshop. Possibly it will serve as an “inspiration” for the one or the other person concerned to design a personal “training program”.

[Julia attended our Virtual Workshop on August 12, 2023, led by IPA President Dan Rocker. She shared these thoughts prior to the workshop, and kindly followed-up with her post-workshop reaction. If you are considering attending any IPA workshop, you’ll find her comments valuable.

Greetings fellow members. The following is an edited and expanded version of a text I had sent to two board members upon my return from a trip abroad. Given the length of the flight, weeks prior to my journey I was feeling apprehensive.

Ever since I was six years old and was walked in on while on the potty by a neighbor boy, who announced with exuberant laughter “I hear you peeing!”, I have had bathroom issues. These issues snowballed over the years into a full-blown case of primary and secondary paruresis. When I was in a bathroom out of my comfort zone I would often feel like I was sitting on a time bomb that could go off at any moment. I had better be ready to run if someone knocks on that bathroom door or starts jiggling the handle.

This is Oliver. Why am I sharing this picture of an adorable little kitty? Last night I went to a college friend’s house. We’re sitting around having a few drinks and I have to use the bathroom which is down around the corner from where we’re all sitting. So, I go there and the “lock” is a tiny hook-and-eye set-up that is very sketchy and leaves a small crack in the door opening.

You have to understand, I am not afraid of flying in an airplane. As a kid, I loved the movement and motion of flying. But for the past fifty-five years, I haven’t flown very often at all. This all started because of an incident that happened at the end of the summer of 1968. 

Our most recent Virtual Support Group Meeting took place last evening, and we had about twenty participants from all over the US, Canada, and Europe. In the first hour each participant was invited to talk about his or her experiences, both past and present, and as each person talked the others listened with clear empathy…

“I’m wondering if the people who are members in the IPA are a bunch of weirdos. I mean, they have to be, right?”

I’m sure this question has crossed your mind. 15+ years ago when I first learned about the International Paruresis Association I know I thought it.

The IPA Virtual Support Group is facilitated on a volunteer basis by myself and Steve Weinraub about once a month, and we hit a record on Sunday, August 28, with 31 participants. They included people from all over the United States, as well two people from the United Kingdom and one from Poland, and the age level ranged from early 20’s to late 70’s.