Real Men Have AP, Too

Real Men Have AP, Too
A Success Story

Submitted 06-21-2002

I am in the US Army-the toughest, most competent fighting force this Earth has ever seen. I live in a world of tough guys, real men (and women) who can do anything and win all the time…. right.

I am 6’1″, 200lbs of lean muscle, I am a helicopter pilot, and I was educated at the world’s greatest military academy, West Point. I am a man’s man, right? Right, except for when it comes to my nemesis the urinal. Can’t do it. Well to make my long story short, I have always felt like I was less of a man because of my “problem.” For years I have been subjected to being woken up at the wee hours of the morning for surprise drug tests. No pun intended. These test involve gathering large groups of soldiers together, using one “secured” latrine and have a designated observer watch every soldier piss into a small plastic cup. Well if you don’t go the first time around they proceed to walk you back to the meeting place with empty cup held high and announce “we’ve got a choker!” You can’t hide in the stall, the man, by regulations must watch urine leave penis and enter cup…for legal purposes. Once, I was what they refer to as a “first time go.” When you don’t go, you must drink water until you do–since the problem must be that you are not well hydrated. Well I have drank until I almost puked-no dice. There is lot of resentment towards the guys (there are always three or four) who take forever. The observers are always peers chosen at random. Ironically I was the ADDIC (Alcohol, Drug, Dependency Interdiction Council) representative for my company for two years. It was my job to watch and to chose people to watch. It never made it any easier and I have seen lots of hazing, and bullying go on while callous observers can’t understand why someone like me who just drank nearly a gallon of water can’t go pee pee. They only way that I have survived this affliction is to go through the humiliation of having to sit on the pot and push as hard as I can until something comes out.
Invariably I crap myself and embarrass the hell out of me and the guy who has to stand in front of the open stall door and watch the spectacle happen. But at least the mission was accomplished….
> Well here are my last thoughts.

Until I found this web site I thought that I was really the only one with this problem. Sure I have seen plenty of guys not able to piss during drug tests. But surely they could do it at normal times. I thought that I was less of a man then them it really really bugged me. At least I know that I
am not alone and not some freak. And for all you folks out there, being macho doesn’t have anything to do with whether you can piss in public. I should know thanks, soldier